Well, I'm glad I got your attention with my caption. Apparently, we have to shock y'all to be able to get readership these days but its all good, right? Just thought I should give you a short description of some mischief I've been up to. And it's not what you think! Lol!
Last Sunday, my roommate finally talked me into leaving my cozy room and go to a "Slow Jam" event with her where we were going to meet tons of glorious black men. To those of you that know me, you know I was super stocked about that concept, especially living in Vancouver where there are hardly any "Morris Chestnut" or "Boris Kudjoe" look-alikes walking around around here.
Just so everyone knows, I was only going to feed my eyes and be the sisterly support system to my dear friend. So please you can stop rolling your eyes- I am married to Jesus! Lol!
So Sunday evening comes and we get all dolled up. I looked in my wardrobe to find the closest thing I had to a "club-appropriate" apparel. I finally found this form fitting camouflage dress. After almost fainting from the work-out of trying to pour myself into the dress, I slapped my 'face' on and we were soon on our way, excited about the delicious pool of glorious black men we were about to dive into.
Wish I could show you the full dress but at the time I was taking the picture, I was too lazy to stand to do any photoshoots.
Anyway, I was feeling all sexy and good with myself in my just-below-the knee form-fitting dress thinking about how I was going to be a show- stopper, putting all the other girls to shame. Well, you imagine my chagrin on getting there and seeing the other girls in their skimpy outfits, ended up feeling like a middle aged aunt dressed up for church. There was no going back so I had to shut those whispering spirits up in my head and feel beautiful, no matter matter what. That's right ladies, even as I was walking into the "devils playground" (that is, my pet phrase for clubs) I was whispering scriptures to myself about how I am fearfully and wonderfully made even in my US size 16 spandex-heavy dress. And it worked like a charm!
Finally, we got into the club and to my shock and surprization, it was not the den of glorious black men as we were initially made to believe. Instead, the hall was full of wriggling bodies of people of all colors of the rainbow! And very few black men! We wouldn't be needing the services of a Hebrew prophet to know that Chioma was horribly disappointed but the show, as they say, must go on.
Soon, the excitement and high energy of the loud hip-hop music was getting to me. The DJ was playing all those jams from the 90s and I soon got all nostalgic. Now because this was my very first time in a Vancouver "devils playground", I took my time to look and take in the ambiance of the place. I noticed the service and was amazed at how those bar-tenders were able to hear the peoples' orders over all that noise. I noticed the security and an how wide eyed they were to any mischief. We soon wondered to the DJ's table, you know, to get a feel of the place and I kept trying to peep into his work station to see if I knew what software he was using to churn out the music. I soon noticed that running a successful club took some serious manpower and not a venture to go into without the proper market research. So yeah, I was wearing my Producer cap on whist enjoying the music and such.
So, there we were 4 lovely black women waiting for the brothas to step up and attempt a love connection with us. Oh yes, I said it- I was looking forward to being hit on. It doesn't change the fact that I'm still married to Jesus! Stop rolling your eyes, I say! Lol!
The nerve of those black guys- not one single one talked to me all that time we were there! It was rather disappointing, to tell you the truth. Yes, I got hit on by 2 "brown" guys though- so it was not a total loss. One of the girls in our crew, actually tried to reach out to one of the black guys, you know, sort of like if Moses would not come to the mountain, the mountain will come to Moses. You would not believe what this black man did! He looked horribly offended that she would speak to him and in her very before turned and walked up to one of the millions of blonde haired girls in the hall and spoke to her instead!
Black people, we were in that club from like 12 midnight till 3am and not once did any of these black men even smile in our direction. To say that it was depressing is putting it mildly. For me, I had fun. Aside the music, the club had this "special feature" of playing the music video to each song, so I was entranced in the world of R&B and Hip-Hop music and the whole magic of being taken back in time to my teen years and seeing again so many of these exciting artists we loved such as Heavy D, New Edition, Shaka Demos & Pliars, LL Cool J, Naughty by Nature, Foxy Brown, SWV, Kriss Kross, TLC, Jodeci, Silk, Salt n, Pepa, Puff Daddy, Tweet, Busta Rhymes to mention just a few. But I couldn't help but feel bad for the ladies who had hoped for a love connection.
My verdict? Not because I'm a married Christian woman or trying to feel self-righteous with myself or any of that but personally, I don't think "the devils playground" (aka the club) is the place to meet a guy. I don't know about y'all but how does one have a meaningful conversation with all that noise?!! And let's not begin to talk about how many times they keep saying, "What, What" because they don't understand my"accent".
Secondly, I think a lot of the black men in Vancouver are selfish. Hey, I'm not saying you shouldn't love white women and all that. (I mean, Jesus died for White people, too!) but have you ever taken out time to consider how black women feel every time you pass them by to holla instead at the fair skinned woman. Perhaps, many of you have never considered the silent message that behavior screams to black women. If you don't know, then please allow me to enlightening you- Brothas what you are indirectly saying is that we are not good enough. That we are not desirable enough. That we are not worthy enough and that we are substandard to our Caucasian counterparts. Get me right- I'm not here to bash white people o! Like I said, Jesus died for them too and He loves everyone equally and I have no beef with them whatsoever.
For my black sisters out there, take heart. At the end of the day, it comes down to our perspective. I know its easier said than done but the truth of the matter is that we need to find a way to love ourselves no matter what. My take on the whole this is to just develop what I call the "Abraham attitude". Rom 4: 19- 25 says:
Abraham didn’t focus on his own impotence and say, “It’s hopeless. This hundred-year-old body could never father a child.” Nor did he survey Sarah’s decades of infertility and give up. He didn’t tiptoe around God’s promise asking cautiously skeptical questions. He plunged into the promise and came up strong, ready for God, sure that God would make good on what he had said. That’s why it is said, “Abraham was declared fit before God by trusting God to set him right.” But it’s not just Abraham; it’s also us! The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless. The sacrificed Jesus made us fit for God, set us right with God.
(The Message translation)
The keyword phrase here being, "He didn't focus on the problem". Rather, he gave full attention to God's promise of a son. Such that even though it took a while for the promise to materialize (25 years, to be exact) in the end, EVERYTHING God promised eventually happened and everyone gave God all the glory. In the same vein, I think the strategy for black women now is to turn and give their full attention to God's promises rather than the problem. It is clear from the above scripture that whatever we give full attention to will dominate our minds and will yield results- good or bad.
We can flip that inference and say that if Abraham had focused instead on the hopelessness of the situation and gave full reign to the despair and misery, he would have died a bitter, jaded unhappy old man. But he instead made a conscious choice to turn his back on the "facts" and focus his attention on a God that can make the impossible possible. My recommendation is that we adopt that mentality. So what if "the fact" is that black women are not loved or desirable? So what if the "the fact' is that they have mountains of issues with our larger-than-life colorful personalities? So what if "the fact" is that time is passing by and we are getting shoved aside and not getting married like all our other friends?
Ladies, I am here to put the choice before you- do you want to languish in that pain, sorrow and disappointment or would you choose to shift your focus and attention to more pleasant thoughts and ideas like God's Word that promises that He will grant you the desires of our heart; that He loves us warts and all; that we are precious in His sight; that He will supply ALL our needs according His riches in glory by Christ Jesus?
You need to understand some home truths and stop comparing yourself to anyone else. Ladies, God gave us our loud and colorful personalities. He didn't make a mistake giving us our rich dark colors. He lovingly molded and shaped our big booties, our shapely thighs and thick, succulent lips. With care, He gave each tight curl on our scalps their numbers and knows by heart each one that falls off our heads.He gave us that tough exterior as a camouflage and amour to protect our large, jelly-soft hearts big enough to love anyone and anything back to life. He pumped rhythm into our blood and shaped our wide hips to wind them in joyful abandon in dance and celebration of His glory. He filled our lungs with our loud, melodious laughs as our strength to find joy even in the worst of circumstances. He even gave us our boisterous personalities as evidence that nothing under heaven can break our spirits (unless we give them permission to).
Sisters, there is so much we can be thankful for. Won't you join the revolution now that will choose to focus on His promises? He has given us this longing to be married and start a family as evidence that those feelings are legitimate feelings that happy, loving homes are His will for us. Please let us cease from hate, bitterness, fear and worry to turn to this God who loves so dearly and believe that He knows what He is doing. Black white, brown, yellow, red or purple- whichever one it is, the one God has destined for you will find his way to you if you will just trust and give attention to His promises rather than the "problem".
Grace, peace and blessings.
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